Sh*t Happens

I'm packing.

"To go where?" you ask.

Home. To Texas!

So much introspection has been going on this past week. Lots of heated arguments and emotions between me and my parents. Even some tears, on my end.

I really gave this program a shot. I had to go as a last hurrah to see if it would be (a) third time's the charm, or (b) three strikes and you're out. It turned out to be the latter. And it's okay. We all mistakes but I think we learn more from mistakes and failure. But it doesn't make the experience and less desirable or sucky.

I'm heading back home to start fresh, not necessarily to start from scratch though. I think I can still be involved in healthcare, just not on the front lines of direct patient interaction.

The worst part is not that I was dishonest with my parents, but that I was lying to myself. I didn't want to admit it and say it out loud, because it would be true. I think that's what this program did for me - it made me confront my issues head on.

Of course I'm sad and disappointed because this has been my dream for quite a few years but in some ways, I feel like a boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. With medicine, I was constantly planning point A to B, then C through L, and then M - T. Every step was already paved. It feels refreshing to not know what's next after points A and B, into the next 20 years of my life. Who would've thought the Type A- in me would revel in such flexibility and ambiguity? It's okay to not know. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes.

I'll consider being in California for a month sort of like a study abroad experience. I certainly have a greater appreciation for Texas and my family.

And now... to continue packing. Can't wait for 100+ degree weather. =)

Meet you back in T...T...T-E-X...

HMQD