Oh, Crystal Ball, Crystal Ball

I think I need to choose a career where I can be an analyst / researcher. Who would've thought? I remember just a few years ago, I staunchly maintained that I hated the idea of research but I do it EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE. AND I LOVE IT.

I don't do the whole rats-and-stats basic science research. I'm into the more qualitative data, but I like numbers and stats too, because apparently people think numbers are purely objective. HAH! Please, nothing is ever truly unbiased is it? But numbers do help in making things a little more concrete and tangible.

Anyway, in an attempt to figure out my life, I've decided to keep a spiral of all the research I've compiled. I'm adopting something I did in fifth grade, seventh and eighth grade called the ISN: Interactive Student Notebook. Back in grade school, it was essentially projects and assignments I did as a student that were kept in a spiral, which made studying and learning a lot easier since it's all in one place. Plus it's neat to flip through because it doubles as a timeline of your progression throughout the year.

So that's what I'm doing. Rather than writing out degree plans on loose-leaf paper and discarding them, I'm writing in my spiral to see how many times I change my mind. I've cut out research articles, program requirements, faculty research areas and everything else under the sun and taped them all into the spiral.

In an effort to include my parents in my educational decisions as much as possible, each time I have a new piece of research, I show my mom who then relays the info to my dad. One day it's public health, one day it's law school, one day it's physician assistant, the next it's professor / clinician-educator in emergency medicine. It's RIDICULOUS how indecisive I can be.

But I'll take it in stride and accept that this semester is meant to be this way. Let's figure out what I want to do, try and find a part-time job if possible, and analyze the sh*t out of every possible option.

By December though, it's time to stop analyzing and hiding behind past failures and fear of the future. There comes a time when waiting around and playing it safe are no longer viable options - I just have to jump in head first and hold on tight for whatever roller coaster ride I'm on. But until then... The Queen shall seek advice from her most trusted advisors (i.e. The Queen Mother and Father). =D

HMQD

HELLO, TEXAS!

I was a fool for thinking I could ever be happy in other state. Forgive me, home state of mine and take me back.

Okay it wasn't that dramatic but the weather right now is actually not that bad!! I would like to think that I brought back a piece of NorCal weather. =)

I worked nonstop cleaning and settling back home. Either way, I would've moved back to Pearland - I just happened to move in a little earlier.

So what's the plan now? Prepping for the LSAT. Volunteering at the hospital and shadowing - I still need to rule out medicine, at least I'm hoping to. But as of this moment, there's a very strong leaning toward public health law and policy.

It's just really funny that I'm going through another application cycle. A year early. But it's okay. I've come to learn that life tends to make you say, "I never thought I'd [insert something you never thought you'd do]."

But that's what keeps it interesting, right?!

Let's be a little smarter this time with application: as Sandra Lee says, "keep it simple, keep it semi-homemade" and keep it in Texas, preferably Houston.

Until next time,
HMQD

Sh*t Happens

I'm packing.

"To go where?" you ask.

Home. To Texas!

So much introspection has been going on this past week. Lots of heated arguments and emotions between me and my parents. Even some tears, on my end.

I really gave this program a shot. I had to go as a last hurrah to see if it would be (a) third time's the charm, or (b) three strikes and you're out. It turned out to be the latter. And it's okay. We all mistakes but I think we learn more from mistakes and failure. But it doesn't make the experience and less desirable or sucky.

I'm heading back home to start fresh, not necessarily to start from scratch though. I think I can still be involved in healthcare, just not on the front lines of direct patient interaction.

The worst part is not that I was dishonest with my parents, but that I was lying to myself. I didn't want to admit it and say it out loud, because it would be true. I think that's what this program did for me - it made me confront my issues head on.

Of course I'm sad and disappointed because this has been my dream for quite a few years but in some ways, I feel like a boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. With medicine, I was constantly planning point A to B, then C through L, and then M - T. Every step was already paved. It feels refreshing to not know what's next after points A and B, into the next 20 years of my life. Who would've thought the Type A- in me would revel in such flexibility and ambiguity? It's okay to not know. Ignorance really is bliss sometimes.

I'll consider being in California for a month sort of like a study abroad experience. I certainly have a greater appreciation for Texas and my family.

And now... to continue packing. Can't wait for 100+ degree weather. =)

Meet you back in T...T...T-E-X...

HMQD