I've completely neglected this blog and I apologize. I wanted to wait until I had something substantial to write about rather than mindlessly bitching.
I'm still waiting to hear back from my other graduate program I applied to. According to their timeline I should find out this week or next week but the wait is killing me. I think someone is torturing me purposely. I JUST WANT TO KNOW. HOUSTON OR DALLAS. HOUSTON OR DALLAS.
Since my last post, I have found a volleyball group to play with! YAY! It's sad but it's the one thing I actually look forward to each week. Thursday night literally makes my soul feel lighter. But the bad news is the league stops playing next week so I either have to wait until they start again or find a new group. I'm hoping the YMCA starts something up in the meantime.
School has been okay. It's hard being in classes with people who are younger than me and have a completely different perspective than my own. Needless to say, I continue to miss and yearn for Austin each and every day. My soul dies a little the longer I'm away from Austin; volleyball heals it a little but there will always be a void in my heart specifically for the 40 Acres, the tower, burnt orange, 24th street, Guadalupe, the DLA, the Union, Chick-fil-a, Smokehouse, Gregory Gym, even Jester and the PCL and walking through the Business School to avoid the outside weather.
Parking at the community college is atrocious. They need to place an enrollment cap. How about setting an actual standard, like an SAT or ACT score? Too many high school kids running around and I have a feeling quite a few lost nontraditional students. I know, I know, how elitist of me. I'm just impatient and don't tolerate stupidity and ignorance as much as I used to.
I just really want to get through this spring and summer before I start grad school in the fall. Speaking of stupidity, today in my sociology class, we were discussing subcultures and countercultures in society. A student raised his hand and suggested that gays were part of a counterculture because "they spread AIDS."
What.
The.
Fuck.
Per my Tweet: #dumbass #speechless. There was a noticeable grumbling across the classroom, even from the older men on the other side of the classroom. Did he really just say that? I didn't even know how to respond. I sat there pondering but I didn't raise hell or anything because (1) it was super early in the morning and I didn't have energy and (2) it wouldn't be fair to rip him a new one (har har) for being ignorant. The sociology instructor handled his insane suggestion with poise and debunked his illogical thinking in that heterosexuals and drug users ALSO spread AIDS. His Tweet would probably read #shocking right about now.
That's the kind of student demographic I'm dealing with now. Not that everyone at Texas was a TC or dean's honors list kid, but I mean, COME ON. Ugh, there is nothing charming about the city I've come back to. I'm reminded of why I was rushing to get the hell out of here back in the spring of 2007.
But I really do enjoy my classes. I've made a few acquaintances and I enjoy the instructors, even the content - yes, even physics believe it or not. The instructor went to Texas as well so that's neat. The funny thing is I haven't done this much math since 2007-08 and I even had to use a protractor! I haven't used a freaking protractor since freshman year of high school, circa 2004-05.
I only have classes MW 830 - 1250 but believe me, I cringe and hate my life every Monday and Wednesday morning at 6:45. But I've got to suck it up and get through the grind. Because apparently the powers that be mandate that physics is absolutely essential to succeed in medical school and in becoming a physician. Maybe it's the scientific process itself and thinking about what information we have, what we're trying to look for and what formulas we have in our toolbox we can use to derive an answer rather than the actual content? Does this logic mirror making a clinical diagnosis based on a patient's history, physical exam and symptoms, medications they're currently on, and what further tests would be appropriate to run in order to arrive at the correct diagnosis?
But my argument is that at the undergraduate level, the pedagogy seems to be much more "higher-level critical thinking skills" while medical school and residency is "memorize as much shit as you possibly can to score a high Step 1 so you can match into dermatology or radiation oncology so you can avoid primary care." I'm only half-kidding about the latter - but for real, it's brute memorization. Why is there a discrepancy and what can we do to reconcile that difference in learning and thinking so people can gain as much meaning as they can pre- medical school and throughout their medical careers? I don't have the answers but I hope to one day, when I'm Senior Associate Dean for Curriculum or Vice Dean of Medical Education at a medical school... at least if I can play institutional politics. Blech.
A year ago, I had been accepted into an Ivy League for graduate school, and I was still adamant that I wanted to become a physician and I even maintained vehemently that people should not enter medicine unless they actually want to treat patients. Many other people have echoed my sentiments but now.... I've taken a different view. What's wrong with a research career? What's wrong with an administrative career? What if I don't want to be tied to a hospital and/or clinic? What if I want to travel and work in international medicine and health policy (I freaking miss you Denmark)?
It's funny how at one point in your life, things you thought were so important and were passionate about become almost obsolete later on. People change, and so do their interests. The good thing since my return to Texas is that I've been a little less rigid in my pursuit of medicine: lately my mantra has been, "Let's get through physics and organic chemistry. Take the MCAT. If you can beak into the double digits, you've got a chance. If not, it's Jesus' way of saying 'Thanks for playing, Dean. Please start a new game.'" If it happens, it happens and I'll go where my heart leads me, but I'm bringing my brain along for the ride. And whatever field I find myself in, I can only hope that I excel in it to be able to produce work that is useful to society on a large scale.
That's all I have for now. Oh, wait - I think I have psoriasis. Ew, I know. Genetics plays a role in it - yet another reason I would not have kids, adopted or biological. As a fetus, I seem to have collected all the crap genes in the Phamily. Ugh. And I wouldn't want to pass high blood pressure and cholesterol or whatever else to my child - or my bad social habits like chronic headaches from stress, obsessive-compulsive disorder, Type A(-) personality, among other things.
Okay, NOW I'm done. I must fulfill my suburban housewife duties and wait in line to pick up my sister from school. #UghIcan'twaittomoveforgradschool
Dean Squared
