Brasil: Day 26

TGIF.

This week has felt unusually long. My internship had its monthly Executive Committee Meeting this past Tuesday.

Here was our meeting place. Super fancy and official-looking... except I was the first one there and the only one to show up ON TIME. I thought  I was being Punk'ed at first or that I was in the wrong place.

Turns out the meeting was pushed back to 1 pm. Never have I been in a culture that plays it so fast and loose with meeting times. People showed up as if starting this meeting an hour later was completely okay. It's got to be a cultural norm and my American sensibilities find tardiness incredibly distasteful.

I don't have that much to write about. I'm no longer homesick or in culture shock and every day has become... routine. Just what I wished for. I know where to go get groceries, where to go to church, where the train station is... and today I will hopefully be getting a haircut... Fingers crossed. I've never gotten an "international" haircut. Even when I was in Denmark, I just let it grow for a good six weeks and then cut it all off when I got back to Austin. 

I'm officially registered as a legal alien of Brazil. WHOO... I guess. It was such a hassle. Ugh. But it's done, finally! 

We have two new interns here. One is from Mexico and the other is from Chile. I'm kind of kicking myself in the butt for not taking Spanish in addition to French. The new interns converse pretty easily with the Brazilians here. There's a certain degree of mutual intelligibility between Spanish and Portuguese speakers. I think I speak a little more Portuguese than the Mexican and Chilean my listening comprehension is where I'm severely deficient. But... what am I going to do now? 

When I got here, I initially wanted to find a gym so I could continue running and doing some core exercises. It just seemed like such a hassle to get a membership so then I thought about going to Ibirapuera Park. That park is about 20 - 30 minutes away from my apartment. That's a workout in and of itself so.... no to that. I've resorted to these fantastic YouTube workout videos. They're mostly kickboxing or HIIT (high intensity interval training) exercises. I actually really like these exercises. They can be done in the privacy of my bedroom and each workout is different. When I just ran and alternated between two sets of exercises, things get super tedious. Even with volleyball, which I absolutely love playing, only uses certain muscles. The workout videos on YouTube force me to use my entire body, but on different days. 

I should start collecting my data next week. I'm waiting for my thesis proposal to get approved. Such a hassle. Sometimes I wish I did the capstone courses but that seems just as terrible. Writing this thesis is going to be such a pain in the ass, but like all things - good and bad - it shall end! And then I will never again voluntarily opt for such an ambitious undertaking. 

I've also started applying for jobs... Such a sphincter-tightening experience. You're constantly wondering if your resumé and experiences measure up... if you're over-educated yet under-qualified... if your cover letter is as strong as it can be.... Ugh. The silver lining is that I haven't picked a particular public health niche yet, and I'm open to any DOMESTIC location. Fingers crossed. 

Brasil: Day 14

My phone got wet from the ridiculous rainfall in São Paulo. It still works but the screen is a dimmer than usual and I definitely see where the water marks are. So I've powered it off and put it in a sealed bag of rice.... Fingers crossed.

This was my first week in my new apartment. I got lost a few times and got stuck in the rain but all in all, I think I've adjusted pretty well to my new surroundings. I know how to navigate the metro to get from my apartment to my practicum site. It takes roughly the same amount of time when I drove from Pearland to the park-and-ride and hopped on the MetroRail to get into the Medical Center in Houston. Not bad.

Apparently Brazil is becoming super expensive now... more expensive than comparable European cities! I can totally see that in how much I pay for groceries. I'm actually really annoyed; yes that dollar still goes pretty far but it's all relative isn't it? This will definitely change how I budget here.

This week, in addition to going into my practicum, I went to the livraria (bookstore), church, the supermarket, the equivalent of a farmer's market, and I did laundry! Not bad... settling in finally. The supermarket (Carrefour) is about a 10 minute walk from my apartment which isn't bad at all but... it sucks ass when you're buying in bulk. I had to haul so many groceries down the street, praying that the plastic bag wouldn't rip.

I think if I could sum up Brazil in one word, it would be inefficient. The bureaucracy is insane and so are the lines. There are lines everywhere you go. As my Peruvian roommate (who is super sweet!) said, "Brazilians love their lines." Every single line at Carrefour is full, even the ones that are supposed to be the speedy ones for people with fewer than 20 items. BULLSHIT. The entire system is absolutely absurd.

The workers take forever scanning the items, the customer spends forever opening up the plastic bags to bag their own items, when there's another worker nearby who's just kind of... there. WHY?! I don't understand.  UGHHH.

Well, here's to Week #3....

I won't have too many pictures posted since my phone is currently out of commission. Boo.

I'm planning on doing some cultural things with my roommate. We're supposed to go see some exhibits at the MASP museum (São Paulo Museum of Art).

Brasil: Day 10

I've been super busy the past few days. I moved out of the apartment I was staying with in central São Paulo into another apartments in the Jardins area. This is near Avenida Paulista, the epitome of what São Paulo looks and feels like. Lots of people walking around, rushing from place to place. I don't mind the frenetic energy.

My apartment is on the 12th floor, apartment 123. Hah. I have several roommate but I have my own room and bathroom: one Swede, one Japanese, two Spaniards, and I think two brasileiras. We just share the kitchen and living room. Everyone keeps to themselves which is weird and creepy to me. I've always been a fan of getting to know the people I'm living with and at least having small talk. But... whatever....

I finally settled in last night and unpacked everything. I brought with me wayyy too much shit. That always happens though right? My view looks out onto the surrounding area and I imagine an apartment in NYC would have a similar view. But... that also means I hear so much traffic noise. Thank goodness for music and ear plugs! To be honest, I'm paying a pretty penny for this place and it's still not up to my standards. I mean, as a US American, I am already super Type A(nal) and high maintenance. And this is the best São Paulo has to offer me? I know, I've been a super trooper so far but I think I'm just so frustrated I'm going to give in and release some bitchy energy; you can only fake it with a smile for so long.

I'm still reeling from yesterday evening's debacle. So I successfully maneuvered my way on two trains to get back to my neighborhood. And then.... I somehow mistakenly forgot where my street was. It was raining and wet and dark and it took me an hour and a half to get home!!

Long story short - I probably won't ever leave the US after this Brazil trip. I'd only travel for a short period of time with family or friends, but I will not do an extended stay like this. So.... better take it all in now, right?



Interesting observations:

(1) Motorcyclists here zip right on through traffic. They simply honk to the cars to let them know they're there. They'd get so much shit in the US for that, I think.

(2) "Bureaucrazy": remember my fiasco with the Consulate's Office in obtaining my visa? Well now that I'm here, they'd like me to repeat a similar process to be a registered alien. RIDICULOUS. So over it. I will NEVER return to Brasil after this insanity, not even for an international clinical rotation.

Sources for photos:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10201329116773311.1073741830.1334894788&type=1&l=7a58a507a7

instagram.com/hmqd

Brasil Day 6/107

The homesickness has been wearing off so that is fantastic news! I'm starting to settle into the new environment and I'm getting into a routine.

Points of interest I've noticed while here in Brasil:

(1) When going into banks, you're not allowed to go into the waiting area with big bags. The security guard gives you a key and you put it into a locker. Then you walk through a spinning door and place your wallet, keys, phone, etc. in this little box. After you walk through the spinning door, you can pick up your belongings from that little box. You handle your business, go through the swinging door and then get your bag from that locker. Finally, you place that key in that same little box and exit. Sheesh.

(2) To enter AND exit a home, you have to use a key. I found that to be strange and a hassle. You have to have a key to unlock when you're already on the INSIDE of the house? Goodness.

(3) When you're buying things at a grocery store, the item is priced based on the quantity. For example, a pack of cheese may cost more if there are more slices of cheese in it. The product is not packaged in a standardized way.

(4) My temporary roommate (Fernando) is awesome. He's so thoughtful and makes an effort to speak English and is has gone out of his way to show me around. It's hilarious because we both use Google Translate to communicate complex ideas. Hahah.

(5) I did laundry for the first time today. Fernando actually helped me use the washer. Then I hung all my clothes on the clothesline. It's a very old school way of drying clothes but apparently it's supposed to be better for your clothes.

(6) Fernando gave me some DVDs to watch for tomorrow! Lots of movie I haven't seen yet: X-Men First Class, Immortals, Snow White & the Huntsman. WHOO! Fernando is taking what I THINK is the Brazilian equivalent of the US bar exam for JD graduates. Then we're going to church tomorrow at 6 pm.

(7) Monday is going to be reserved for learning how to navigate through the various cities and neighborhoods of Brasil with Fernando! Here goes nothing.......

Sources for pictures:

http://instagram.com/hmqd

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10201329116773311.1073741830.1334894788&type=1&l=7a58a507a7

Apartment Hunting

It's Day 4/107.

I've been staying in an apartment with THREE other guys. I think I'm being punished for not living in Jester my freshman year. ONE bathroom. But as the previous post said, the men here are CLEAN, CLEAN, CLEAN.

But I'm just used to living along and having things be a certain way.

Apparently October - March is the rainy season, or something like that. January gets the most rain so good thing there are only a couple weeks left. The days here are sunny, hot, some clouds. And without a hitch, every evening around 6 - 10 at night, it rains. And not just a little sprinkle here and there like in Austin, but a full on downpour.

I ran at Parque Ibirapuera yesterday. It was enormous and one of the most famous parks in Latin America. There were multiple lakes and even museums IN the park. I got lost about four times trying to find my way out. It was nice to be outside in the fresh air* and jog around with music. It was great to collect my thoughts. I was incredibly depressed when I left the park though. The pangs of fear/ anxiety/ homesickness come and go in waves. It's usually rather poignant around the afternoon. Some days have been worse than others, but I think I'm slowly getting used to my surroundings. [*I doubt the air here is super fresh because of all the traffic and pollution. When I blow my nose, it's markedly darker than back in Pearland or Austin. Blech.]

The important thing is getting into a routine. I think the sooner you get into a routine, the sooner you get some normalcy, and ultimately, control. To cope with my homesickness, I stick in FRIENDS DVDs constantly just to have it playing in the background. I also am typically on gchat or FaceBook. And there's also FaceTime. I love still being part of my friends' and family's lives back home.

I think I should be on an episode of House Hunters International. A graduate student studying public health living in São Paulo? That sounds interesting enough. Anyway... I'm searching for housing with the help of the locals here. Thank goodness! Since I only go into my practicum for 14 hours a week, I thought I could live in a place where I could really explore the city and settle in. Hopefully I can find something in the Pinheiros area of São Paulo. My practicum is located in São Caetano which doesn't really offer much to do. So I'll keep my fingers crossed for something to open up!

Points of interest:
- Brazilians don't have a huge trash can in the kitchen... just tiny ones.
- The bathroom title is the same, even into the shower. I guess that's pretty convenient.
- I still am a little thrown off kissing women on the cheek when we greet. It's the US American mentality of distance and separation. I like my personal space and bubble.

Sources for Photos:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10201329116773311.1073741830.1334894788&type=1&l=7a58a507a7

http://instagram.com/hmqd

Bem-vindo ao Brasil

So it's Brasil: Day 2/107. I finally have some time alone to sit and collect my thoughts.

I think every trip I take abroad slightly resembles Kubler-Ross' Stages of Grief:
(1) Sad/ depressed/ angry/ guilty/ anxious.
(2) Becomes familiar with environment.
(3) Settles into routine.
(4) Slowly falls in love with environment.
(5) Sad/depressed/ bittersweet farewell on airplane before takeoff.

I'm currently in Stage 1. I've been house-hopping with people affiliated with the program I'm doing my practicum with. The people are fantastic, thoughtful, kind. I'm just exhausted and tired from the language barrier. There's only so much Portuguese I can take in and how much I can understand.

Many people think of Brasil as Rio - sand, beaches, sun. Well.... I knew that being in São Paulo, it was going to be very different. It's the rainy season here and it's a freaking concrete jungle. It makes me sad that I'm isolated. I can't really even really jog anywhere because of how narrow the streets are and how chaotic car and foot traffic is.

To be honest, I don't mind commuting to my practicum from elsewhere. I only spend 14 hours a week at the internship so I really want time to be able to write my thesis and still be physically active (i.e. I need to play volleyball... like... as soon as humanly possible). At the very least, I need to run around.

Each time I look at the time, I subtract four and figure out the time in Austin/ Houston and what I/ my friends would normally be doing. I try not to freak out over the fact that I still have so many days left here. Sometimes I wonder why I make life so difficult (and expensive) by going abroad. I think after I get back to the US... this is it. No more going abroad unless it's for leisure or work.

I miss the comforts of my American sensibilities. Everything is just bigger in the US and I'm used to it. I mean, yes, it'd be cool to be in a fabulous tourist area but I think being where I am now is a much more accurate representation of Brazilian life

Brazilians are a very passionate people - very open with their emotions and greetings, which is okay with me because I'm pretty bubbly. They are also incredibly clean. TWO showers a day! Even the men are clean! Ladies, you'll love it. The bathrooms are clean as well. It's unreal. I'm impressed.

Laundry is a bit of an oddity, at least for me. Washers and dryers aren't common: people wash (or pay other people to wash) clothes and then hang the clothes on a clothesline.

The language barrier consists of three things: broken English, broken Portuguese, and elaborate hand gestures. Hahah. I'm hoping my Portuguese gets better... somehow.

Driving is another thing that stuck out to me: I thought Houston drivers were bad... It's not that Brazilians are bad drivers but the roads narrower, the cars are smaller, there aren't as many stop signs and there's a whole lot more of what can only be described as tailgating.

So the list of things stressing me out:
- My lack of physical activity (i.e. volleyball)
- Transportation
- Where to go to church
- How to do laundry
- Where to get a haircut (well... I only cut my hair once a month so this isn't a huge deal)

Link to pictures: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10201329116773311.1073741830.1334894788&type=1&l=7a58a507a7

More updates to come... hopefully I have something more exciting and cheerful to add next time!

Questões do coração

In observing the relationships of those around me, I've found that there are people who will never be single. There will always be another boyfriend/ girlfriend as one relationship ends and another begins. Their in-a-relationship status is like the beating heart: it doesn't skip a beat, there's a seamless transition from one significant other to the next significant other, version 2.0. Or 3.0, 4.0, etc. Sure there's the appropriate time to mourn and grieve but let's get real - we all know you've been talking to someone else even before the relationship officially ended... You get no sympathy points from me.

Then there's the rest of us: the ones who seem destined to be unlucky in love. We are the ones forever stuck in the friend zone because we were burned one too many times in the past. We are the ones who have cried ourselves to sleep from the heart-wrenching, soul-crushing burden of knowing the perfect person we want to be with either (a) doesn't feel the same or (b) barely acknowledges the amount of effort you've put into what has turned out to be a parasitic, twisted, toxic relationship.  

I'm tired of feeling like Charlotte York when she was perpetually meandering, waiting for fictitious Mr. Right to come along. Have I become so bitter that I've internalized my parents' blind allegiance to their religiosity that I feel I'm somehow unworthy of happiness?  

I'm baffled and equally frustrated by how difficult this has been. I'm 24, openly gay, and a practicing Catholic. I've had years to grapple with the internal turmoil and conflict between my faith and who I'm attracted to. I usually feel like I have everything figured out and I've somehow come up with a conceptual framework that makes everything work. But lately, it seems like nothing makes sense and it feels like I'm a 12 year old coming out of the closet [Side note: I knew I was gay in first grade... I went to a private Catholic school no less.]

In any case, to reveal your true feelings to another friend is not an easy decision to make. It will end in one of two ways:

Option 1: The friendship is effectively ruined at worst.

Option 2: The friendship becomes painfully awkward at best... leading to eventual termination 

[i.e. Option 1].

I guess there hypothetically could be Option 3: Your friend feels the same way but was too afraid to make the first move.

Living in another country not knowing definitively where the two of you stand is just as torturous as outright rejection. The anxiety and not knowing is absolutely unbearable, intolerable, simply unacceptable. 

But it is a risk I'm willing to take. Call me a masochist. I would put it all on the line for just the possibility. We all simply want to love, and to be loved. I could be safe from the pain by holding my tongue and pretending I feel nothing. But I would be haunted by the "What If..." scenario.

What's the saying?

"I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do."

Here goes nothing...